The Paid Leave Podcast

The Holidays and Your Mental health

• The Connecticut Paid Leave Authority • Season 3 • Episode 52

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In this episode of the Paid leave Podcast, we discuss the holidays and the challenges that it can bring. The holidays are usually a joyful time of year, time spent with family and loved ones and time to reflect before the New Year. But for some people the holidays can bring on intense sadness if you have had a loss, or maybe you find yourself alone during the holidays. Perhaps you lost a loved one or went through a divorce or you are estranged from your family. It can be a tough time for your mental health. The holiday season can be a challenging time for individuals struggling with addiction, as it often brings heightened stress, triggers, and the pressure to celebrate. However, with the right strategies and support, it is possible to navigate these challenges. Domestic violence is high around the holidays for many reasons like stress, financial burdens, more family time, isolation, and alcohol and drugs can play a role too.  Holiday Season Anxiety and Seasonal Affective Disorder can both effect your mental health around the holidays, and healthcare professionals say they can be debilitating and impact your daily life and your job. CT Paid Leave can help with up to 12 weeks of income replacement if you are suffering from a serious mental health condition. Our guest is Mental Health Connecticut Clinical Care Coordinator and Licensed Master of Social Work, Patricia Seaver. Patricia explains how the holidays can exacerbate mental health issues, and she emphasizes the importance of self-care, planning, and seeking support during this holiday period. She highlights the role of caregivers and the benefits of Connecticut's paid leave program in providing time for mental health recovery. Patricia also discusses the increased risk of domestic violence, and addiction relapse during the holidays.

For information or to get in touch with Mental Health Connecticut, please go to Homepage - Mental Health Services Education & Advocacy. (mhconn.org)

For more information or to apply for benefits please go to CT Paid Leave. (ctpaidleave.org)

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Nancy Barrow:

Hello Connecticut, and welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. The title basically says it all. I'm Nancy Barrow, and I will be delving into this new state program and how it can help you and your family. This podcast will give you information you should know about Connecticut Paid Leave and maybe just a little bit more. Connecticut Paid Leave brings peace of mind to your home, family and workplace. Welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. The holidays are usually a happy time, time spent with family and loved ones and time to reflect before the new year. But for some people, the holidays can bring on intense sadness if you have had a loss, or maybe you find yourself alone during the holidays. Maybe you lost a loved one, went through a divorce, or had some type of loss in your life, and maybe you're estranged from your family, these emotions can intensify, and it can be a very tough time for your mental health around the holidays, people can feel lonely and isolated even when they're at a holiday party, or if all these commercials that show a loving, big family at the holidays crop up and you don't have any family holiday season, anxiety is a well documented phenomenon that I had never heard of, and it can include financial, family, conflict, travel, demand, social pressure, and at the Same time, people living with chronic mental health conditions like anxiety disorders or depression or ADHD or OCD or bipolar disorder or eating disorders may find this holiday period especially challenging. Seasonal affective disorder can also be an issue, and Connecticut paid leave can help with up to 12 weeks of income replacement if you're suffering from a serious health condition like those mentioned above. Here to talk about the holidays and mental health and the struggles people may be going through, is Mental Health Connecticut, (MHC) Clinical Care Coordinator and Licensed Master of Social Work Patricia Seaver. Welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast Patricia!

Patricia Seaver:

Hello hello, thank you for having me! I'm happy to be here!

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, it's such an important topic that a lot of people don't talk about around the holidays because it is sensitive. But why don't we start with Tell me a little bit about Mental Health Connecticut. What do you do, and how can you help people during the holidays?

Patricia Seaver:

Mental Health Connecticut? What do we do? What don't we do? We we work with the community of Connecticut and you know, variety of regions you know, ranging from Danbury, Stanford, Bridgeport, Waterbury, Torrington, you know, and some statewide community based services in supporting people towards their recovery goals, typically in towards recovery in different areas depending on the program. You know, we offer residential services where someone may need support towards the recovery goals of independence and building ADL skills or activities of daily living, learning things like budgeting, how to access benefits for the first time. And you know, really be a support through that process. First of all, be sure to include, you know, Mental Health Connecticut, one of the you know things about Mental Health Connecticut that I really am proud of is that it's very person centered, the work we do across the board in the programs, whether it's in the residential, you know, programs, community based programs, or mending arts programs, which is a great program for the community. You know, during the holidays, I think season, to access for extra support that I definitely like to mention. But we're very person centered in what we do. So for some people, we do have the privilege of being vulnerable with them. And you know, in those moments, whether it's advocating with a therapist, for being proactive and planning for a tough holiday season based off maybe their history with one in the past. And what do you do as a clinical care coordinator there? And how do you help people? I support people clinically in a variety of ways our agency. I'm really, really privileged in that way. I've been with the agency for a little over 13 years now. Congratulations. That's a good long haul. Thank you. Yeah. So I've worn many hats here, which really gives me, you know, a very, you know, again, privileged, I think, perspective into what we do from different areas. I've worked with our residential services within our community based programs for some of those services that happen in the community, working with someone towards independence in their home. You know, with community providers and collaboration, such as with the mental health waiver program, I'm a big part of our mental health concierge program. We provide a lot of support for those that either at risk for a higher level of care, struggling to live independently in the community, or, you know, maybe are already doing so, but may have an opportunity to live more independently if we have the right support. You know, in the home, I provide our direct counseling services within our contract program and waiver program, which I love, that direct service.

Nancy Barrow:

So let's talk about mental health during the holiday season. Why does this season hit so hard?

Patricia Seaver:

You know, I think what's tough about this season is, I love the phrase you just used there. Hit so hard. I think everything is amplified when the holidays come, right? There is more pressure on what you're wearing to dinner, if you're experiencing joy, if you know this time of year, you know, brings you joy, that's a wonderful thing. But if you struggle, you know, with mental health, and that's not your experience. Makes me think of the crunch there, and how he didn't really the origin of the story there, you know, is that he didn't relate to the who, the who's in who, though, right? Yeah. Unfortunately, you know that story, lovely as it is, it did end though, in that big aha moment his heart grew three sizes or what have you. Unfortunately, we don't have that aha light switch moment when we're talking about mental health during the holidays.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, because people, I think, dissociate, you know, because the holiday is can be really challenging, like if you don't have family, or you're estranged from your family, you know that isolation and loneliness is is really palatable. And how can you help, or what would you suggest for people who are really struggling with maybe being estranged from their family, feeling not joyful, like you said, you know, it is a joyful time for a lot of people, but some people don't find that joy.

Patricia Seaver:

You know, I think in being proactively reactive, right? And, for example, maybe when Halloween wraps up, right, having it, yeah.

Nancy Barrow:

That's when it really starts like, you see Christmas, yeah? No, you see Christmas decorations out at Halloween, you do!

Patricia Seaver:

Yeah, I feel like every year it's like, sooner and sooner, like, is it going to be with my, you know, with the bikinis next year the stores? You know what I mean? You know, it does. It starts up a lot sooner for people. So I think first of all, being aware of that, right? Like, for me now, I no longer think of the holiday season in terms of everything that it takes to prepare, right or think about, and that includes prepare for self care, right? I work at an agency where we have a really wonderful benefit, you know, in terms of looking out for our time off and also being, being very intentional time off lab. We get wellness time actually, during the holidays. So, you know, again, being intentional, even with that self care, right? Yeah, and how we plan for it. But also being intentional in, you know, as I mentioned earlier, the first, I think, step in really getting to the root of maybe not resolving, but feeling comfortable and confident in addressing, right? Something that we're struggling with is identifying that we are, you know, you mentioned disassociation earlier. It's not everyone's defense mechanism, but certainly is common, right? And sometimes, you know, that's a really great example of one. Sometimes when we use this association, and let's say it's that strange parent, right? And that song comes on from Elton John, that reminds you of them, right? And you change it, you know? And every other time of the year, that works. But today, it's not just changing that song. It's also seeing everybody posting pictures with their families. If this is not your first year of struggling with something like an estranged parent, definitely flex back on last year. You know what worked, what didn't work, what rooms did not feel safe, I find you know really helpful is identifying a safe person you know that can definitely include a therapist, right or provider, and maybe working with them again, proactively, reactively and taking some steps when you start to see Halloween would come around and those pumpkin start to get a little old, right? Maybe start reaching out to your therapist, saying, hey, I want to get ahead of this and plan for extra time. Yeah, I think that that's so smart to do that. I know that you have a winter wellness toolkit that talks about the holiday in mental health and and it even mentioned self care. Can you give me a few highlights from that toolkit? Yeah, absolutely. There's actually a lot in there around seasonal affective disorder. I think that is really supportive. There's also a lot of resources I think that are just helpful for people to have. You know, around resources are in the community.

Nancy Barrow:

I mentioned in the introduction the holiday season anxiety.And it talked about, you know, people who are suffering, and it can be financial, it can be a lot of things. Can you explain sort of what holiday seasonal, holiday season anxiety is?

Patricia Seaver:

It can even some for some people, it can. It can even struggle their motivation at work, right? It can. It can affect their mood overall, just feeling down. We actually, here in Connecticut don't realize that we're very susceptible to it because of our location, our location alone.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, and our vitamin D deficiencies that we all that we all seem to suffer from.

Patricia Seaver:

We do. We all do. I think I heard one person saying, you never have enough vitamin D, yeah, yes, yeah. You know, it's one of the things you know, that I think a lot of people brush off when we talk about mental health with things like sunlight, right? Especially with effective, you know, with seasonal, you know, effective disorder. Because what can be tough is that, yeah, it can be easy to say, well, it's just a song, it's just an hour of difference, whatever. What's big deal it is.

Nancy Barrow:

My best friend had had that she lived in New York and now she lives in California. There was a real reason for her leaving New York City and going to California. It really was debilitating for her, exactly. So she's very happy there.

Patricia Seaver:

That's where my sister ended up and she said the same. She didn't notice, you know, that she struggled with it, until she went out there, you know, and start reflecting on this. For your friend, Did she notice a lot of symptoms that seem similar to, like, almost, a depressive episode?

Nancy Barrow:

Oh, yeah. She just, she knew as soon as, like, fall was coming, and, you know, the shorter days like that really, really affected her. And she she tried to go get therapy and use lighting and stuff like that, but it didn't. It really didn't help her at all. So this is a real it's a real disorder that really can be very debilitating. I know around the holidays, there's so many triggers for people like you mentioned, you know, the Grinch, and, you know, there's Hallmark that's on and Charlie Brown or Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, whatever it is the radio is playing Christmas songs. Those can be trigger to when things may have been happier for you around the holidays. What do you tell your clients about triggers during the holiday season? Because there's so many everywhere you can't go anywhere.

Patricia Seaver:

Yes, absolutely, you can't go anywhere. You can't You're right, and I don't mean, you know, cocoon up, but again, I'm gonna, I'm gonna field off of what I you know, what we're talking about earlier, with being proactively, reactive and being attention, intentional, and first of all, naming, especially, you know, if you you know, one of the things that we hate hearing it in the moment that you know, hard times make us stronger, right? Yeah, no, I don't know about you, it was almost like, if someone feels going to relax, right, when you're stressed out, doesn't help you feel helpful in the moment, you know. But there is a lesson sometimes that we I think we build resilience from in those tough times. And if you have had the unfortunate experience right, of going through the holiday season before, you know, especially you know, after experiencing a loss, you know, let's say I have, in my experience, you know, both professionally and personally, seen people experience it as a lesson, right, in ways to but again, it's being intentional in looking for that lesson. And that's kind of a double edged sword, because I'm going to be real with you. Nancy, I think what's really tough is that, as human beings, we're wired to run away from discomfort. Your friend, I mean, that went through that divorce. I'm so, so glad that she reached out to you during that time, because that is a real loss. You know, it'd be comparing divorced, you know, to a lot of people to do that. I'm so grateful that she reached out to you because someone else may have shook it off.

Nancy Barrow:

No, and I kept checking on her. I kept checking on her because it's, it was really, it really, you know, she used Connecticut Paid Leave to take a month off of work because she couldn't focus, and she was very sad. And so I'm happy that she used our resource for that. But like the question, I'm thinking, should people avoid things that make them sad?

Patricia Seaver:

Absolutely okay to say no, like I said, I think the holiday if we, you know, look at it this way, it can be almost a training round, right for practicing this, right? And I think that saying no, honestly, in terms of, you know, like going to that holiday party, it all can be much less intimidating if we're very mindful in how we do it, right? So again, having that safe person I mentioned earlier, I think that can be so helpful. If you're able to identify someone in your life, you know, you're extra blessed if it's something your personal life and therapist that you trust and have it superpower with, but someone that also loves to Grinch too, right? Because he can relate. You know what I mean? Can relate to that feeling. You know what I mean? Not one that wants to ruin Christmas for everybody else, but also not one that expects the aha moment. You know that does not happen.

Nancy Barrow:

Suicide is higher around the holidays. Domestic violence is higher around the holidays. And I know that if you're in recovery for addiction or eating disorders. This is a hard time of year. What do you tell people who who might be struggling and suicide ideation might be high around the holidays? Domestic violence? What? What would you suggest to people?

Patricia Seaver:

These areas almost relate in a way where they're spiked because of a lot of what we refer to already, of that pressure around everything being amplified. So say you're someone that already maybe pushed through the pressure of going to that family event you didn't say no to. Maybe you should have, maybe you should have, when we're thinking about someone that's struggling with some substance use disorder, right? Relapse is something that's extremely prevalent this time of year.

Nancy Barrow:

Because you associate, you know, going to parties or having holiday cheer like that's what everybody talks about. So, yeah, you know, there's that pressure that you need to live up to that expectation.

Patricia Seaver:

Absolutely, yes, absolutely. There's also people being people, right? People go with what they know works for them, right? And if you're someone that has struggled with substance use disorder self medication, let's say you also struggle with, you know, a substance use disorder usually doesn't come alone. You may also struggle with with social anxiety, or maybe you're at that family event that you didn't say no to, but maybe should have. And now you're sitting across the table from that estranged parent, and now you're triggered. And what has worked for you in the past, unfortunately, is self medication, and yeah, and I think keeping those things in mind too, if you are someone that struggles around the holidays or or has a loved one like you referred to earlier, and if these are someone that struggles with and even, and this is something I've heard a lot, so much is, oh, not my, not my Johnny. He's so stable in his recovery. And hey, there are so many people that get through it, but I have seen a lot of people struggle, and I think that's also why a lot of programs like AA, you know, NA, you know, the they do have offer a lot more support during the holiday time. But again, I think be very mindful and planning for that. You know, again, when we're thinking about addiction, a lot of it is where, when and who, you know, we're being around, right? Who is influencing us in different ways, because, and this is, again, where that weird correlations between these areas is that, you know, these pressures, you know, it's almost like they all kind of tunnel went into a tornado, if you will, together. People are asking, what's new at work? Well, what if, you know, if you turn on the news. You know, not every, uh no not are not everyone's people doing so well in the job market. You know what I mean? Some people are struggling. You know, like mentioned, different examples here. Everyone has their own stuff. I think it'd be all turned to a whirlwind when we when we connect them with these other facets that some struggle with, because then someone that may already have been struggling with an insecurity around, let's say their finances and their ability to provide for their family after a job loss, and also might struggle with a history of self medicating. And now it's going home, and maybe it's taking it out on their wife. Unfortunately, these things do you know, correlate and also increase for a reason, and I think when you think about it that way, if that makes sense with everything kind of being in that tunnel wind, depending on what that tunnel wind looks like for a given family or dynamic with the environment, the contacts with, I like to think of it as our internal battery, if you will, especially if you're someone that you know struggles with something you know, like substance use disorder you know, or know someone that has struggled with a history with domestic violence, just struggling with, you know, Self harm is being very and again, I mentioned earlier, but I feel like with holidays, it's almost like we put pressure on ourselves. And again, I think it's important to ask ourselves, where's this pressure coming from? I have to do that. Is it coming from? From me? Yeah, who's who's really putting the pressure on you to go through this event? And is it that you can't miss it, or you are don't want to miss it? And it's really that, it's usually that I don't want to, and maybe I should explore that a little bit more, because when we don't say no, especially when we're looking at areas like this, that's when those tunnel winds can turn into a full blown tornado. And statistically, these episodes, you know, tend to sky rate. One thing that's interesting though, to keep in mind, about suicide that I found interesting in my research recently. The Trevor Project, I believe in 2019 they hit this off. And I even saw some recent ones, too. And it makes a lot of sense where there almost is, because it's not uncommon for people, for some individuals who experience euphoria type energy or express that, if they're struggling with suicide ideation, especially if they're really at risk for following through with a plan, and it's around the holiday season. What was interesting was, actually there was a step that statistically, the numbers seem to increase more so. And this wasn't just in the US. It also fit numbers in Australia around this and domestic violence, they actually tend to be more so around New Year's Eve than Christmas. And at first I was like, No, get out of town. But then I was like, hmmm, you know, if I'm being human, I know I like to show up as my best self on Christmas Day, and that's usually when everything's magical. Not saying a new year is a magical thing to celebrate. But I also was reflecting back on my domestic violence work at an agency out in Torrington that I worked with before Mental Health Connecticut, so, but I remember that was, you know, learning about that, that trend, and being on the lookout for it, and seeing it in the courtroom, seeing the increase, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that's helpful, yes, but it makes sense, yeah. You know, there's more liquor involved, you know, celebrations or something, yeah, yeah.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah. So how can resources like Connecticut paid leave help your clients? Because we do offer up to 12 weeks of income replacement to deal with serious mental health issues like depression or anxiety that may affect your daily life, like going to work. And how do resources like this help your clients?

Patricia Seaver:

You actually are giving the gifts of time! Yeah ya know? and people don't realize it's there. My boss doesn't, wouldn't want me to show up, you know, if I if I needed that time, but I wouldn't be, I wouldn't present. I wouldn't be showing up to present my best self. You know, exactly, mental health. It should be just as, you know, I think, prioritized, because when we don't use do things like look, you know, like get curious and act, you know, and explore resources like the ones that you guys offer man, that's when these, some of these situation, you know, some of these circumstances that I see people struggle with, with estranged parents, even especially if they don't say, no, maybe, right? Maybe this is the first year of learning that lesson, right? That's when, and let's say maybe they also have a history where they're struggling with, you know, substance use disorder, right? Or someone else in their, you know, in our, you know, family is that's where that that tunnel wind can happen too, when we don't take that time off to be intentional, maybe to plan an extra session for therapy, to talk about, what am I going to do when that anger pops up this time, or that instinct to self medicate pops up, right?

Nancy Barrow:

And we also have caregiver benefits at Connecticut, paid leave. It allows someone who's related by affinity, so that could be a neighbor, a best friend, a live in partner to take time away from work to help you if you're debilitated by your mental health during the holidays.

Patricia Seaver:

I can't tell you Nancy how, how excellent it is to hear that this having some light given to it, this need, because the caregivers, when we're talking about chronic illness, we're talking about someone struggling with something, a mental health trigger around the holidays, right, you know, or an episode or something very debilitating happening, right? And you know, regardless, caregivers are, you know, really, really tying everything together. They're the people that you don't realize are taking that time step out from work, and their boss doesn't like it when they're giving just a 15 minute break at Applebee's, let's say, to call this doctor just to be told, nope, you should call this specialist for your for your mom, you, or what have you, you know what I mean. Or if we have to, if they're lucky, didn't get to work, maybe it's make sure that mom gets to an appointment, all right, or gets her prescription. There's a lot of, you know, moving parts in the health system that, unfortunately, don't always work the best, you know. And I think too, especially if you're dealing with something like depression and anxiety, the last thing you want to do is reach out and be on the phone with 30 different people. I'm just going to be honest, to figure out, you know, to get to the bottom of, you know, a treatment plan or what have you or access to a need, you know. So that need is definitely there, because these supports need to be accessed. And like you said, you know, things like seasonal affective disorder can be very debilitating.

Nancy Barrow:

And what would you like people to take away from this podcast?

Patricia Seaver:

I really would like people to take away again looking at, you know, having self compassion that you know, they are only human, you know. And I tell Connecticut, you know, our four pillars really stand on, respect, accountability, integrity, support. That's our other pillar, right? Give yourself the same support you would a best friend, you know. I'm sure your advice to them probably wouldn't be you should push yourself to go to that party where that Aunt is that's going to ask you that question that she asks you every year, that you call me crying about every year following being overall, I want you to be kind of to yourself. Us to be kind of to ourselves, to check in with that internal battery, to be proactive and intentional with how we plan. Think about what really brings you joy versus what you see you're told is supposed to bring you joy, right? And being intentional and planning around that.

Nancy Barrow:

I want to thank my guest from mental health Connecticut, Patricia Seaver, thank you so much for all this great information and for helping people who may be having difficulty during this holiday season.

Patricia Seaver:

Absolutely Nancy. It was great. Great talking to you about it.

Nancy Barrow:

Thanks for being a guest on the paid leave podcast. Patricia, and I hope you enjoy your holidays.

Patricia Seaver:

You too. And I hope everyone you know again has a good holiday and shows themselves some self love and learns that it's okay to say no!

Nancy Barrow:

if you or someone you know is having an emergency, please call 911. If you're suffering from domestic violence or suicidal thoughts, please call 888-774-2900,or text, email, or chat with CTsafeconnect.org. You can also text 988, for addiction, suicide and domestic violence help and in Connecticut, please Dial 211, for local resources or services, for help. For information or to apply for benefits, please go to ctpaidleave.org.This has been another edition of The Paid Leave Podcast. Please like and subscribe, so you'll be notified about new podcasts that become available. Connecticut Paid Leave is a public act with a personal purpose. I'm Nancy Barrow, and thanks for listening!

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