The Paid Leave Podcast

A New Author's Dedication to Women's Health, Wellness and Life's Transitions

• The Connecticut Paid Leave Authority • Season 3 • Episode 44

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In this episode of The Paid leave Podcast, I am talking to a new author about her crusade for women's rights and health and her process of writing the new book. August is National Wellness Month, and that fits in perfectly with my conversation with Lauren Tetenbaum, who is a licensed clinical social worker, (in Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, and Florida) she is a women rights advocate, and writer dedicated to supporting and empowering women through life transitions. With experience as both a lawyer and a psychotherapist, Lauren specializes in counseling women navigating identity shifts related to motherhood, career, and reproductive health. Lauren frequently contributes thought leadership to media and professional organizations; she is the author of the acclaimed 2025 book Millennial Menopause: Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause, and Life's Next Period, that was released in July.

Lauren discusses her journey as a women's rights advocate, her dual degrees in law and social work, and her focus on supporting women through life transitions, particularly perinatal and perimenopausal periods. She emphasizes the importance of mental health, support groups, and comprehensive care. Lauren highlights the value of paid leave programs in supporting working women and parents and shares her experience writing the book to raise awareness about menopause and its impact on mental health, and some women who experience serious health conditions.


You can find more about Lauren please go to: Media - Lauren Tetenbaum, The CounseLaur  theCounseLaur.com


For information about book tours and how you can get your copy of Millennial Menopause: Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause, and Life's Next Period,  please go to: Book (Millennial Menopause) - Lauren Tetenbaum, The CounseLaur  millennialmenopause.com


For information or to apply for benefits please go to: CT Paid Leave

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Nancy Barrow:

Hello Connecticut, and welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. The title basically says it all. I'm Nancy Barrow, and I will be delving into this new state program and how it can help you and your family. This podcast will give you information you should know about Connecticut Paid Leave and maybe just a little bit more. Connecticut Paid Leave brings peace of mind to your home, family and workplace. Welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. August is National Wellness Month, and that fits in pretty well with the author I am talking to. Lauren tettenbaum, is a licensed clinical social worker in Connecticut, New York, New Jersey and Florida. She is a women's rights advocate and writer dedicated to supporting and empowering women through life transition. With experience as both a lawyer and a psychotherapist, Lauren specializes in counseling women navigating identity shifts related to motherhood, career, and reproductive health, and she frequently contributes thought leadership to media and professional organizations. And she's the author of the acclaimed 2025 book out last month, *Millennial Menopause, Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause and Life's Next Period.* Love the play on words Lauren! And you can find out more about Lauren at: thecounseLaur.com and that's spelled c-o-u-n-s-e-L-a-u-r.com, and we'll put that in the show notes for everybody. But congratulations on your book, and thank you so much for being a guest on The Paid Leave Podcast!

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

Nancy Barrow:

Well, tell me about your women's advocacy. Tell me when did that part of your journey start?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I have always been an advocate for women, even as a kid, I would volunteer with women's rights organizations, and I interned at Planned Parenthood and with the Women's Law Project in Philadelphia, where I went to college, and it was a course I took in college that led me to pursue my law degree and also my master's in social work, because I thought that those professions would best equip me to make a difference on behalf of women.

Nancy Barrow:

Is that because of like your mom? Was your mom a really big influence on you there, or was this just something that really was innate in you?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I would actually say both my parents instilled in me this drive to help others, to use my privilege and my voice to advocate for those less fortunate, but women in particular, was my population of choice. My mom also is a social worker, and always worked with the elderly, which is not a population that I have much experience with, but from a young age, I've just always felt that pull. I would read novels and nonfiction about women in different parts of the world, and it just shaped who I am, and has always been a part of me.

Nancy Barrow:

It's pretty interesting that you knew so young that social work and being a lawyer would help you. Why the double degree is is that something, are they a common dual degree?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

They're somewhat common. Social Work is psychology based, but also with a component of social justice, and so I felt like my passion for shaping policy and for being an advocate really did fit well with the Social Work curriculum and career path. But to be honest, I fell in love with a reproductive rights and law class, and thought that law school would be the best fit. And when I got there, I really hated it, so I thought what I was missing was this direct services piece and ability to look at things through the lens of mental health and compassion. And so I supplemented my education with my master's in social work.

Nancy Barrow:

Well, in your bio, it mentions that you help women through life transitions. What transitions are you talking about, and how do you help them?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Sure. So first of all, I think everyone deserves and needs extra support during transitions that can be graduating from school, a move, having a baby, a new job, a new relationship, or a breakup, anything like that. And the ones that I primarily focus on, I work with women in their 20s, 30s and 40s for the most part, and I work with many emerging adults who are starting in new cities or starting new jobs, leaving their families of origin, new relationships, and then the women who are trying to build their families, perhaps navigating fertility struggles, and then that perinatal period of being pregnant or building their family, and the postpartum period young parenting and. And then perimenopause.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, it's, it seems really interesting the reproductive mental health aspect of all of that. How do you help women with that? Because I do feel like the mental health aspect is really an important component.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

It certainly is. We know that women in the perinatal period, for example, experience up to one in five experience a mood disorder. And we also know that perimenopause is the most vulnerable time for a woman's mental health in her reproductive lifespan. So mental health plays a huge role in our well being, in our physical health, in our productivity, and, of course, in just how we feel right and the implications are very extreme and intense, and deserve all the attention that we can give them. And so the way that I help them, I provide cognitive, behavioral and feminist therapy. So I do focus specifically on the struggles that women in particular, face in our society, and I help women think about their actions, behaviors and the way that they're interpreting others around them. We work on interpreting those things in a more positive or neutral way, so that they don't fall into the anxiety and depression and stressors that they're experiencing. I will also add that simply providing psycho education on the fact that mood disorders or mood symptoms are quite common and that they're not alone as they struggle through whatever they're dealing with, that support and that awareness that they're not alone, and they're not, you know, imagining this, or that there's something wrong with them that can be a huge, huge help.

Nancy Barrow:

Do you suggest support groups for women who are all going through this at one time? You know, whether it's perimenopause or whether it's perinatal? Do you suggest that that they go to support groups and so they aren't feeling alone, there's strength in numbers.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Yes, I love support groups. I think they're so powerful and so beautiful, and I think you can really connect with people even if you don't otherwise have other things in common. I run groups for moms who are transitioning back to work following their leave. I've done a variety of groups on a variety of topics, and I think that they're a beautiful thing. I think it's really amazing to be able to show up in your sweatpants, feeding the baby, whatever it might be if you're perimenopausal, even just having a sort of group chat or an online forum can be incredibly powerful.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, I think it's wonderful. Do you ever incorporate writing therapy or journaling therapy because you are a writer?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I love journaling. I recommend it frequently. Not everyone is a writer, but I do, especially when we see patterns of behaviors and communication patterns. I do strongly recommend that my clients write down what their initial reactions to, whatever preceded their reaction is. Write down your initial reaction. Don't send it. Don't share it, don't read it out loud. Quite yet, take a pause, and then let's revisit because your feelings are always valid, but the way that you act upon them might not be the most effective, and usually when our emotions are heightened, we're not communicating at our optimal level.

Nancy Barrow:

That's great advice. Don't send it for sure!

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I always say, if you're writing an email, please put your own email address in the To line, because things can happen.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, yeah! You may wake up tomorrow feeling completely different. Yeah, right,

Lauren Tetenbaum:

You often do.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah. Let's talk about becoming a psychotherapist. How'd that happen? You were a licensed social worker and a lawyer, but that wasn't enough for you. You had to be a psychotherapist. How did that happen for you?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Sure. So again, what I love about social work is that it is based on psychology and a lot of therapeutic modalities, but with this added component of social justice and advocacy. So when I finished my master's program in 2010, I didn't think I wanted to be in a clinical setting, and I instead focused on law, and I worked in the legal industry for 10 years, but whenever I worked directly with clients, it was through a social worker's lens, very compassionate, comprehensive care, always thinking about their mental health. And long story short, I became a mom myself. I realized that maternal mental health was severely lacking in terms of what we provide moms in this country and our culture, and I decided to focus on that. So I pursued my clinical credential. I'm a licensed clinical social worker. I also got certified in perinatal mental health, and I did a lot of volunteering and other trainings on this. Topic, and it is extremely rewarding to be able to be someone's therapist and their their advisor and their support system. And I pride myself in having a very comprehensive network of additional providers, whether it's a psychiatrist, pelvic floor therapist, nutritionist, whatever it is that the person needs and together, we can be, really be a care team.

Nancy Barrow:

It's great that you have, like, other resources for them, because I think it that's really important to find those other resources, because it's usually not just one thing that you're treating.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Yeah, and we all deserve that comprehensive care, and it's okay to need extra support again. Of course, you need extra support when you're going through a big life change.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, for sure, I'm happy to have you on during National Wellness month. What do you think that means to you?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I think wellness means feeling neutral to good and knowing what you need to feel better when you don't. I am an optimist, but I'm also conscious of this sort of toxic positivity. I don't think every day needs to be, you know, amazing, because that's just not reality, but I think that something should make you smile every day. I think joy and levity and lightheartedness is important. I think social connection and being outside is important. And again, you don't have to be so happy and obsessed with everything in your life all the time, because that's not realistic. But you also shouldn't be feeling dread and a pit in your stomach if you're going to work or being with quote, unquote, friends who don't actually make you feel good. That's not a form of wellness.

Nancy Barrow:

I love that. Anxiety and depression are serious health conditions, and that's something if you qualify for Connecticut paid leave, it covers you with 12 weeks of income replacement, so you can take time away from work when you need to get treated from a mental health professional. And you live in New York State, they also have a paid leave program there. How valuable are these programs to people that you treat in Connecticut and New York and New Jersey who have these paid leave programs?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Invaluable. Tremendously valuable. It's hard to describe and certainly impossible to quantify the necessity of programs like these, I work with many moms who constantly are complaining about the fact that their partners are back at work, that they feel abandoned, they feel alone, they feel like they're made to be the default parent when they were looking For a partnership, and this is not their partner's fault. It's the system, right? We know that all members of the family benefit when parents get paid leave, the baby's health is optimized, mother's maternal health, father's able to bond with baby and beyond the caregiving leave, as you mentioned, when it comes to taking care of yourself. You know it's not that easy to do when we are in this hustle culture and don't have much time, and we need that time to care for ourselves, and it's such a valid investment, and usually a short term investment for long term payouts.

Nancy Barrow:

I'm so glad that you are an advocate for it, and you see it's worth.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I absolutely see it's worth, and I think that we are getting better as a culture, but we still have a long way to go. And it's not just mental health, which is tremendously important, of course, but it's also gender inequities in general, because if the mother is the one who gets access to leave, she does become the default parent, because she's the one at home. And that's not fair. That's not equitable. And so we do want to have everyone have access to it, so that the family can benefit, and that society in general can be more equitable, yeah.

Nancy Barrow:

And I think the fathers with the bonding leave it's, it's super important, you know, super important. Well, let's focus on your book. How did you become an author, and how did you come to write,*Millennial Menopause, Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause and Life's Next Period*? Which is so clever!

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Thank you. I love, love puns. I, as I as I mentioned, have always been passionate about women's rights and reproductive health and reproductive rights, and I have been focusing on the perinatal period. I'm a mom of a nine year old and six and a half year old, so my kids are young. I'm 40, and as I approached 40, I realized that while I had learned a lot about that phase, the reproductive years. I really was in the dark about what was coming next, and I've always loved writing. It's been a passion of mine. You know, a lot of wannabe writers do go to law school, so there's something there. And I wrote an article for an online magazine called mama beast. About millennials and menopause. After going to a networking event with Ann full and wider, who co founded alloy, which is a digital health platform for midlife women, I was really struck by the advice I kept getting from the older women in the room of I wish someone had told me about this. I wish I had known all of these things that they were saying. So I wrote an article, and then that turned into an opportunity to write a book, and it's been such a pleasure to ask all the questions and interview four dozen experts in women's health and get the answers that we need, even though every woman will experience menopause differently, we were looking our generation really did need a guide to know where to look for help, what was going on with us, and to not be caught off guard like the women that I had met happen.

Nancy Barrow:

Were there any stories that really resonated with you? Was there any that really stood out to you when you were writing this book?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

So many stories, and it's such a pleasure to be able to share women's stories with other women so that we can all learn from each other and support each other. I would say that as a therapist, of course, I was struck by how much the menopause transition can impact our mood and our mental health. This is something that mental health professionals and medical professionals are not taught nearly enough about and we're working on changing that. I There are advocacy groups, there's medical professionals lobbying for change in training programs, I teach a lot of other mental health professionals now about menopause symptoms and resources. But I was really particularly struck by several women who told me that they had tried a variety of psychiatric medications, they had been to inpatient programs, they had tried so many things to just feel like themselves again. And then it turned out that they were in perimenopause, which no one had mentioned to them, not one doctor. And once they did start hormone therapy, they felt tremendously better. And it's that lack of awareness that really can be quite dangerous, and we need to raise awareness in order to help women not go through what they had gone through

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, I think that there should be a handbook, or there should

Lauren Tetenbaum:

That's my that's my book!

Nancy Barrow:

And it's so interesting, because no one does prepare you for that. No one has that discussion. Or, you know, everybody has a baseline mammogram, but no one has a baseline perimenopause, menopause setup, which they really need to, because there's so many different things that can happen to you and that can really affect women who are still working, and they have to take time off from work, and they have to get treatments. And so I think some can be much more serious than others, but I do feel like, you know, I love that you wrote this book, because I do feel like it needs to be addressed more, especially with medical professionals who can say, hey, you need to take time away from work, you need to focus on yourself.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Right and to your point about taking time from work, so many women in midlife feel that they have to leave the paid workforce, because they're having these struggles and they don't have time to go to all these doctors appointments and be working. Or they're telling themselves, my brain fog is so intense that I can no longer do my job, or work is just not a comfortable place for me to have a hot flash, or whatever it might be. And they're leaving the workforce, or they're cutting back, but it's not really on their own terms. And of course, that's such a loss of talent, of financial potential, growth in one's career, etc. So it doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't be that way. Programs like paid leave can certainly help other employee benefits. Programs can certainly help and again, that simple awareness of if you're not feeling good, you don't have to suffer through it. These are some resources that can help you and then help you thrive at this phase in your life.

Nancy Barrow:

Tell me, as a writer, what the process of of how you got your thoughts into book form? I know that you said you wrote for blogs, and I'm sure that helped you, and I'm sure your law degree probably helped you with this, but what was the process for you?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Sure! So for this book, it's it's nonfiction, and I did find that having a chapter outline helps me organize my thoughts, because I knew I wanted to focus on mental health in one chapter specifically, and media and another, and talking to men in another. So then when I interviewed all of the experts, I asked whatever questions they could answer, or I thought that they would be helpful in answering, and then I fit in their quotes and my thoughts and other studies I had read et cetera into each theme, and that was really helpful for me. And I don't want to make it sound. Easy, but I do think that if you are a reader, if you love reading, writing perhaps comes more naturally than just someone who is not a big reader. And I, I've always had my face in a book, so.

Nancy Barrow:

You were working as a counselor writing this book, and you're a busy mom, how did you juggle all of that and still have time to sit down and write a book?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

So two, two ways. One is, I have an actual partner in my husband who knew that this season of life would be him more on duty than than equitable in terms of bedtime or weekends, because I found that I really needed large chunks of time to write. It wasn't like I could fit in a chapter in between clients for an hour. I had to really have that flow space, which is, of course, very difficult for any parent of young children to get so he did a lot of bedtimes, weekends, that kind of thing. And the kids were really supportive of this project as well. And then the other thing is that I did kind of cut back socially, on on getting together with girlfriends, which I don't take lightly or for granted, because my friends are tremendously important to me. But that being said, we you know, they knew that I was not abandoning them. I was just working and not going out for dinner or whatever it was, and they have been cheering me on every step of the way, and now I'm on a book tour, and they come to all my events, and we have a lot of fun. So it's everything is temporary, and I think if you communicate that and remind yourself of it, it'll all work out.

Nancy Barrow:

My friend, who's a therapist, saw a therapist because you take on people's emotions in that job. I think a lot of therapists see therapists. Do you think that that's a valid thing?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Yeah, no, I think it's so important. Just like a personal trainer, you know, goes to the gym, we have to take care of ourselves. And a physician sees another doctor, you have to know yourself. And I think this is what you were saying before about kind of having a baseline before perimenopause. That's what I always advise. Is the number one takeaway from my book as well, which is, get to know yourself, your mood, your body, your physical symptoms, your sleep patterns, because if something starts to change and you don't like how that's feeling, it's time to speak up. You don't have to get to the level of suffering or of meeting certain diagnostic criteria to reach out for support. If it's just different and you don't love it, help is available.

Nancy Barrow:

What surprised you writing this book, Lauren?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I was surprised to learn that perimenopause can last for many, many years, often starting in one's, late 30s, early 40s, which is my cohort. I was surprised that the range of symptoms were as broad as as they are. I didn't like I said, know about the impact on mental health, and I now, of course, see it in my clients who are aging with me and in perimenopause. And a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have been able to recognize it as that. So I'm so happy that I am now.

Nancy Barrow:

And who is the book meant for?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

The book is primarily targeted for millennials who are born between 1981 and 1996. But it absolutely can and should be read by anyone who cares about millennials, cares about women's health. There's a chapter specifically for men who care about millennial women. I have many friends in their late 40s, early 50s, who are benefiting from reading the book. So I do think anyone can and should read it. It's full of a lot of pop culture references that make it a light and fun read that millennials in particular will appreciate. But, I think anyone would like it.

Nancy Barrow:

What are some of the pop culture references? Now I'm interested.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

So, I mean, the first sentence is a reference to the movie. Mean, girls, there's some reality show tidbits, some boy bands references, you know, all kinds of TV shows, movies, things like that. Oh, that's great. I love that stuff.

Nancy Barrow:

How has writing this book changed you as a counselor and as a person?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

It's just part of our health, right? It's nothing to be ashamed of when we're talking about paid leave actually, I helped lead a movement in my two different law firms, actually, to get better paid leave policies for parents back when I was in law firms. And I think it's really important to talk about these issues almost not when you're in the thick of it, because then they are less personalized and feel less urgent. But you know that women, you know will experience them and that it's sort of on the right side of history. So I've always been like this, but I'm even more comfortable, even more dedicated to talking about all of this. And then in terms of my practice, it's just something that I continue to see with many of the women that I work with, and of course, I'm able to help them feel better and refer them to the right prescribers and other providers who can help them optimize their health.

Nancy Barrow:

I know you released this book last month in July and are promoting your book, but are you already thinking about your next book, which I think you probably are.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

How did you know, yes I am! I loved this opportunity, because I really did write the book I needed, and I got many questions from all my friends and acquaintances, and I said, I want to get all these questions answered, and I I have other ideas along the same lines of, you know what's going on here, and who do I have to talk to to get the right information that signs that, but not punitive, and to really build community around women's health issues. That's always the goal.

Nancy Barrow:

That's important, right? Building your community. I think that you know, if you like you said you you miss seeing your girlfriends and going out with your girlfriends. I think it's so important as we age that like those female connections are so much more mportant,

Lauren Tetenbaum:

So important Absolutely.

Nancy Barrow:

And what are you hoping comes from being on this podcast?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

I hope that women feel like they aren't alone in whatever wellness struggles they're experiencing. That they know that resources are available and that people also struggle when they go through tough times, but we're we're in this together. We are community.

Nancy Barrow:

And I feel like there's a process when you write a book, or you're writing blogs and writing in general, it can really be cathartic. Were there different emotions there for you when you were writing this and finishing it?

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Absolutely I was open about that, I think, in the book, and you see where I'm very much myself in the book, it's my authentic voice. So, you know, hope people like it's very me! But I have no regrets, because it's authentic and honest. And so I would say things, you know, when I learned about the implications of menopause on one's heart health and cognitive health, I would say things like, wow. You know, this is pretty scary. What are we meant to do? This is overwhelming. And then with the resources that I gathered, I felt a bit better, and I would express that, and I hope that the reader feels a bit better as well.

Nancy Barrow:

I really love the whole thought process of how you really kind of researched it and did all that and then wrote this book. I just think it's it's really thoughtful.

Lauren Tetenbaum:

Thank you. It's been a pleasure. And being on a book tour and connecting with so many women and men. Men are coming to my events, my old friends, new people's spouses or men in their lives, they're coming. So I'm meeting with so many people who care about these issues other providers, and it's just been such a beautiful gift. And I'm happy to be out there connecting.

Nancy Barrow:

Lauren tentenbaum, social worker, lawyer, counselor and now book author! Thank you so much for being on The Paid Leave Podcast. It was such a pleasure talking with you today.

Kaitlyn:

Thank you for having me.

Nancy Barrow:

For more information or to apply for benefits. Please go to ctpaidleave.org This has been another edition of The Paid Leave Podcast. Please like and subscribe so you'll be notified about new podcasts that become available Connecticut Paid Leave is a public act with a personal purpose. I'm Nancy Barrow, and thanks for listening.

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